no matter how long I stare at the path, it does not follow me, my desires return to what others desire for me, —he seeks a reward. —the act itself. —more! —and less it shall be. it glimours, at times... only through that which brings me closer to God.
as if to say
come! let us pretend we are not lonely. if you pretend then I will believe you, I promise, as long as you believe me. everyone else is lonely, let us make them more so. they will be happy for us, surely… everyone is lonely. why bother why?
—I dreamt a castle once. But brick by brick the dream changed.
—It is possible to want, but build (in moments) what does not want. To then crumble from seeing more than most… discussing ideals but never attempting them—becoming a seemingly justified, high-functioning, affectless mess.
—But it means less. It is not about what you build. One dreams of course of views from a distance… in the light. But builds to prove that he is who he always felt himself to be. And you cannot write the same words. Word for word they will not be the same. It means more when a great man says the same thing.
"It means more when a great man says the same thing." This.
For some reason your text made me think of 'The Razor's Edge' (Maugham) about a man in search of meaning in his life.
Found you listed in the STSC Omnibus (hello fellow Omnibus passenger) list and enjoyed reading your reflections!
beautiful phrasing, "let us pretend we are not lonely", "I dreamt a castle once. But brick by brick the dream changed" ("borrowing"/riffing on these for somethings at some point).